My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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