So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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