I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
