At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
