you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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