So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
