I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
The air taste purple.
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