why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
