she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
