So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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