I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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