No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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