doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
