You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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