Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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