I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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