in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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