I just saw a hot homeless man
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Im part way to drunk.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
