Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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