"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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