Just fell off a train. Bad.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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