I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
