this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
