On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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