Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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