I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
