Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
being pregnant is like rehab
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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