my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
