i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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