So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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