Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
