Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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