Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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