We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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