Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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