He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
