I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
