Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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