hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she smelled like a LAN party
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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