I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
