I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
