Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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