i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
True strength comes from lack of pants
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
