My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
