About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
