He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
