he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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