I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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