Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
