another moral hangover. fuck.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
