Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
