She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
