so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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